Me and My Depression

Narcissus

How often do we hear that one of the ways to release oneself from the tentacles of depression is to use self-affirmation statements. Statements such as, I alone hold the truth of who I am.

A google search of self-affirmations recently showed me 99 such affirmations. Tellingly, 66 of the 99 began the affirmation with the first-person singular pronoun I. A further 8 affirmations began with the word My. Furthermore, only seven of the affirmations did not include the pronouns I, me, mine, or myself.¹ That is a staggering 93% of affirmations that include the first-person singular pronoun.

Do these affirmations work? I guess the answer to that question depends on the question: work towards what purpose?

If the purpose is to overcome feelings of anxiety or depression, then the answer may surprise you. Research suggests that those who use first-person singular pronouns (such as I, me, myself, mine) often are more likely to have feelings of anxiety and depression than those who use these pronouns less often.

Researchers from a variety of German Universities in 2015 found that there their ‘present study unravelled some important insights into the link between first-person singular pronoun use and symptoms of depression and anxiety.’² Furthermore, such pronoun use ‘is positively related to brooding.’ The researchers defined brooding as referring to the ‘passive comparison of one’s current state with desired but unreached states.’ They were quick to point out that brooding is qualitatively different from reflection which they characterised as a ‘purposeful turning inward to engage in cognitive problem solving to alleviate one’s depressive symptoms.’

The researchers also clearly mentioned that first-person singular pronoun use is positively related to brooding, but not to reflection. The two states are qualitatively different, with reflection being beneficial, whereas brooding is harmful.

Of course, as any self-respecting statistician will tell you, correlation is not the same as causation. Yet, if we trace the incidence of usage of first-person singular pronouns over time, and the incidence of depression over similar periods of time, the correlation is strong.

The word I in the English language was used approximately 4,000 – 5,000 times in every one million words used between 1800 and 1870. After 1870 the usage of this first-person singular pronoun began to decline to less than 2,500 times per million in the early 1980s. Since then, it’s use has climbed rapidly to around 7,000 times in every one million words today. That is, the word I is used 280% more often today than it was less than 50 years ago. Quite some rise!

Similar increases can be noted in the use of me, myself, and my. All since the early 1980s. Me, for example, is now used four times as often today than it was 50 years ago.

If we track rates of depression over a similar time period, we note a steady increase in depressive symptoms, especially amongst young people.

Is a focus on me, myself, and I making us more depressed?

Many point to a rise in narcissism in recent decades. Indeed, the word narcissist is now used eight times more often nowadays than it was in 1980. Eight times!

Although this short piece is not the place to address the rise of narcissism, it is interesting to note that it’s rise came on the back of the self-development and human potential movements of the late 1960s and 1970s. Many at the time believed that if enough people raised their individual potential, then wider social change would follow. A worthy intention but ultimately flawed as it tended to view the world in a dualistic way – the individual as separate from the wider culture. Furthermore, the rabbit hole of intense self-absorption was opened up, and many followed the rabbit.

Why did the human potential movement not live up to its ideal of social change via individual self-development?

Perhaps because it failed to recognise a simple truth that many teachers and indigenous cultures had known for centuries. There is no separate, disconnected self. The Buddha taught this simple truth 2,500 years ago in his teaching on dependent co-arising. Tribespeople in southern Africa knew it years ago in their concept of ubuntu. The Zulu notion of ubuntu is described by Bishop Tutu as, ‘the philosophy and belief that a person is only a person through other people.’³ The Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, more recently coined the term interbeing and described this as, ‘the many in the one and the one containing the many.’ In a nod to the famous Descartes dictum, Thich Nhat Hanh expressed interbeing as ‘I am, therefore you are. You are, therefore I am. We inter-are.’

These are profoundly different ways of conceptualizing the notion of personhood. They also offer a radically different pathway towards a healthy state of mind.

None of the above is meant to suggest that we do away with words such as I, me, myself, mine; rather it suggests that we should be mindful of recognizing that an intense focus on our individual selves leads to unhealthy outcomes.

Notes:

1. https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/positive-affirmations-morning-routine/  accessed 30 June 2025

2. Brockmeyer et al., Me, Myself, and I: self-referent word use as an indicator of self-focused attention in relation to depression and anxiety, Frontiers in Psychology, October 2015, Vol 6, article 1564

3. Desmond & Mpho Tutu, The Book of Forgiving, William Collins, London, 2014