This blogpiece is a little more personal than most of those on this page. It is personal with respect to my musing on how much time I have left on this Earth and my relationship with that time.
Let me start with a personal observation.
As I get closer and closer to my death, I find that my
thinking about the future becomes more acute, and more fearful. Let me explain.
I do not mean fearful for my own death, nor do I mean
fearful for what any afterlife (or non-afterlife) may hold. None of that do I
find fearful.
But, I do discover that as I have less and less existential
future, the more concern I have for the future per se. Yet, when I had plenty
of future ahead of me (say, in my 20s, 30s and even into my late 50s) I had
little to concern me about the future. How is it, I ask myself, that as I get
closer to my death, the more I feel a distress and unease about the future that
is to occur after my death?
Partly, I suspect, the answer to this paradox can be
found in the book Future Shock,1 written by husband and wife
team, Alvin Toffler and Adelaide Farrell (often unattributed), published in
1970.
The basic thesis of Future Shock is that too
much change in a short period of time leads to psychological stress and
anxiety. Toffler and Farrell noted that previous generations of humans had
dealt with major change about once (or less) in their lifetimes. Yet, by the
time of their writing, each generation was now experiencing significant change
twice, or even thrice, during their lifetime.
We are now 55 years on from the publication of Future
Shock. The pace of change has accelerated in that time, so that now the
amount of change in a person’s lifetime is much greater. We are now facing an ‘abrupt
collision with the future’ as Toffler and Farrell predicted in the book.
Is this what I am facing and noticing in my unease?
Have I collided with the future?
Yes, but it is only a partial answer. A further aspect
is my own involvement with the environmental movement. This is a movement that
has shifted and morphed into various identities since the early 1970s when I
first became involved.
When I first became involved with the environmental
movement the environment was viewed (by me at least, and I suspect most
others in the movement) exactly as the words etymology suggests: the environment
is what surrounds me, it is outside of me and is the medium through which I
pass.
However, as the years and decades passed by my
understanding of environment and the nature of the world has shifted. Indeed,
the word environment is no longer useful, as my perception now does not
recognise a difference between me and not-me. This shift passed
through a stage of “I am part of nature” to “I am nature.” That is a long way
from the understanding of my youth.
Alongside this spatial shift I also experienced a
temporal shift. My part in nature is not confined to my lifetime. I am part of
the entire cosmos. The atoms that make up me today have been part of the
universe for millennia, they have been part of humankind since the stone-age
and before, they have been ingested by wolves, beavers, and many other animals,
they have been spewed out of volcanoes 13 billion years ago. These atoms in my
body will exist somewhere in the universe in another 13 billion years.
We have learnt a lot about the world since the 1970s.
We have learnt a lot more about how intricately entangled it is. We have learnt
a lot about how the feedback loops that have kept the Earth in homeostasis are
breaking down and the system as a whole is collapsing.
None of this was I able to see, or foretell, in the
1970s when I was much younger. Then I had no sense of a collision with the
future.
But now I do.
The collapsing future will not only impact humanity.
It will, and already is, impacting the more-than-human life upon this planet.
Extinction rates are presently anywhere from 100 times to 1,000 times the
normal background rate.
So it is that, although I can appreciate my spatial
and temporal entanglement with the cosmos, the closer come to my death, and the
less future I have personally, the more unease I have for the future of those
to come (human and other-than-human.)
Do any other readers of my cohort notice anything
similar?
Note:
1. Alvin Toffler (and Adelaide Farrell) Future Shock, Bantam
Books, New York, 1970