Smile – It Scares Them

Not far from where I live there is a sign on the side of the road. On the back of the sign someone has written: Smile – It scares them. When I first saw it, I smiled.

The words have a hint of truth about them, don’t they? Some people do seem to be scared of a smile on the face of others. Or, if not scared, perhaps a little intimidated, or nervous.

We live in a world where there is a growing rift between people and that shows up as fear, anxiety, or simply indifference. Occasionally this fear can escalate and erupt as violence and hatred. We saw that this week in Minnesota.¹

The fear that someone may exhibit though, should not dissuade us from continuing to smile. A smile, as Spike Milligan reminded us, can be infectious.²

Why would someone be scared of smiles? A number of possibilities present themselves, including:

• Our westernised culture emphasises success and achievement to a high degree. Seeing a smile can trigger feelings of failure by assuming that the smiling person is successful. The sense of shame inherent in the feeling of failure can be a scary thought.
• Many in our society associate happiness with risk. It can be a risky business to seek happiness. Thus, the smile of another can be scary.
• Happiness can be associated with good fortune and that, in turn, can trigger a judgement of injustice, especially if the good fortune is undeserved. In a world where the rift between rich and poor is growing rapidly, the association between happiness and good fortune can spark resentment and a desire to right the injustice.
• When someone is experiencing depression or other negative emotions witnessing a smile can be difficult. Many of us have heard the phrase, ‘Don’t worry, just get over it. Be happy.’ We also know just how unhelpful that can be. Indeed, such simplistic advice can worsen the feelings of those experiencing negative emotions.
• Within western culture the pursuit of individual happiness is considered to be one of the greatest goals in life. Yet, in many other cultures, other values (e.g. harmony, community, and loyalty) take precedence.

However, smiling may not necessarily indicate this individualised goal of happiness. Tibetans, for example, place higher emphasis on other values. Yet, one will be hard pressed to find a photograph of the Dalai Lama without a smile upon his face.

So, keep smiling, and try to not be scared.

Notes:

1. On 7 January 2026, Renee Good, an American citizen was shot and killed by a federal officer. The incident has been widely condemned as murder. Tellingly, immediately before she was shot, Renee said to the officer ‘I don’t hate you dude.’  The first words uttered by the officer following the shooting were, ‘F***ing bitch.’ This is an example of how smiling can scare someone escalating to violence and murder.

2. Spike Milligan, Smiling is Infectious. The opening lines of this poem are, ‘Smiling is infectious, you catch it like the flu’.